Recently I've been reading a book by Philip Yancey called Prayer: Does it make any difference? Considering that it is one of his thicker books, I didn't learn as much as I did from some of his other works. Maybe I was expecting too much; expecting whole complete answers to the mysteries of prayer. In any case, I did learn some things. Like his observation that prayer has somehow become a social skill, where people praying in groups have used prayer to show how concerned they are as compared to the rest, rather than because he or she was genuinely concerned in the first place.

Another point he touched on was a term described as "emotional pollution". It was written in the larger context of pouring your heart out to God. But this little extract below brought a slight smile to me because it is something that I can identify with:

For a time, my wife and I participated in a couples' group that studied Deborah Tannen's book, You Just Don't Understand, which explores the difference between male and female styles of communication. Rather bravely, Tannen delved into a common stereotype of female conversation, one that usually goes by the name of 'bitching', for which Tannen substituted the much more respectable term 'ritual lament'. On this topic, our group discussion ratcheted up in intensity, with taciturn Gregg becoming especially animated. 'Yeah, let's talk about this!'

Gregg said. 'I remember one ski trip where I met some of my buddies in Jackson Hole, Wyoming. We spent three days together, and then our wives joined us. We guys were having a great time. Suddenly, when the women showed up, everything changed. Nothing was right. The weather was too cold and the snow too crusty, the condo was drafty, the grocery store understocked, the hot tub dirty. Every night we heard them complain about sore muscles and raw spots where their ski boots rubbed. The thing is, we guys had been experiencing all that stuff for three days, but it never really got to us - we were thinking about skiing. It became a joke. We would listen to the women gripe, then just look at each other, roll our eyes and say, "the women are here!"'

Another male member of the group also spoke up: ' You all know the "serenity prayer", right? God grant me the courage to change the things I can, the serenity to accept what I can't change and the wisdom to know the difference. Where does serenity come into the picture with this "spiritual lament"? The whole thing sounds like emotional pollution to me. You feel bad, so you spill all over me, making me feel bad too. I don't get it.'

Of course the story doesnt end here. Some scientists wonder if the reason why women live longer is because they do not hesitate to speak their minds as compared to the cool and calm male who prides himself on enduring in silence through the tough times.

I quite like this term "emotional pollution". I think it sums up the frustration felt when we have our positive feelings deflated by someone's insistent negative comments. I don't think the "complainer" is totally at fault. He or she is just expressing their honest feelings. The bible even devotes one whole book of Lamentations filled with complaints and sorrow. In Singapore, we can't stop the haze poulltion that comes from our neighbouring countries. However, we are in control of how to deal with it. Similarly, I think the best way of handling "emotional pollution" is not to cut off its source. Rather, we ought to know how to deal with it. Shaken but not moved. A confidence in what you believe in. Just because I am surrounded by turmoil and unrest, doesn't mean that the God of peace has gone silent. I trust that I am still very much surrounded in his peace, because that's what the bible says (John 14:27).