Some people's opinions mean more to me than others. it also means that when they dont agree with me, i feel more frustrated. but when they do agree, i'm like at the top of the world. i think how much a person's actions and words affect you is an indicator of how much that person means to you.

I've been apologizing a lot this week. maybe i've been trying too hard to read between the lines. sometimes i swing from i-dont-care-why must it always be me, to thinking that maybe i did something wrong, or i could have done it differently or put in more effort. it is very easy to say that i shall just leave it to God when you're actually wishing you could something. i'm not really a lazy person, but i think i'm someone who prefers to let things fall into place. and i'm thinking of the pros and cons of adopting such a mindset. when you're happy, there's no need to hide it. its quite hard to hide happiness anyway. but when you're upset for some reason, you only want to show through little signals here and there. and while such indications are usually picked up, i have no idea what to do next. sometimes i dont know if i want to hear it straight that you're upset. or do i just leave it and hope that you'll be happier tomorrow and everything swept under the carpet. i dont know. random rumblings. well.. not really random. just several things i've had to think about recently.