This year hasnt been particularly great. after the highs of 06, there have been many moments in 07 that brought my world crashing down. it is obvious from my frequent ranting that much of it concerns what i do for most part of my day. i guess circumstances havent always swung in my favour and i've lost my temper once too often. yes, i do explode but being the way i am its usually kept to myself but trust me, an internal explosion is just as painful and draining as a public one. a lot of relationships have gone cold or died completely, mostly my fault. i hope they can revived someday, somehow. i think i've let a lot of people down by not being able to commit or contribute to various things. if anything, this year has been the most emotionally draining year of my life so far. i guess i was not prepared for life in the real working world where it is every man for himself. i have colleagues and department events but they dont provide you the kind of support that can keep your spirits up. not being in a combat unit roughing it out in the jungle with other guys means i dont experience the camaraderie and friendship either. i missed out on a lot of things that happened and it has been frustrating and everything seemed out of control and i was wondering what qualifies officially as depression. i now know what it means to literally cling onto God because thats what i've been doing. not everything in this year has been bad. i still have fond memories of my days at sentosa where we had fun working. there were many "ups" as well, but there were more "downs" than what i would have liked. i guess i should stop looking back and start looking ahead. on paper, it should be no different. i am still bounded by law to serve all 12 months of the year. working hours remain the same. workload remains the same. but i hope other things can change. i need strength, wisdom and grace to face each new day. next year, all i want is peace and satisfaction in my life. Amen.